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Jun. 17th, 2008 @ 12:06 am ache
I wish it didn't hurt anymore. I really do. I still cry. Everything is gone. everything. all that's left is a few words, broken pictures, and nightmares. I can turn it off sometimes. you know, not think about it. but i get in these real nostalgic moods sometimes because i want to feel something. it's pain. it's regret. it's longing. it varies. I do this because I want to believe it was real for a second even though it's gone. I do this because I *KNOW* I'm better off, everything is fine, and I'm happy. I do this because I was loved by someone who I know I destroyed and who now loathes me. Funny, isn't it? How quickly love turns to loathing.
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Aug. 11th, 2005 @ 08:49 pm new journal
hey kids

this is my last entry on this journal


if you want to catch up....add arduous_grace
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Aug. 2nd, 2005 @ 10:39 pm Wash your face, dry your eyes
Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: depeche mode
what's crackalackin, kiddies?
I haven't really updated on this thing in a while. so here it goes...

I leave for nashville in 12 days:)
A one way ticket...leaving P'cola at 7 AM with 2 LAYOVERS in Tampa and Cinncinatti, ariving in Nash around noon.
Green day and Jimmy Eat world will be swell.
oh, one way ticket because Zachary is driving back with me and posting at mi casa for a few days...

mi casa isn't mi casa much longer...
I move in with BIG WHIT in 3 weeks. woot.
that's why zach is coming, really, to lift all my heavy stuff =)

school starts soon. not so woot.

it seems my parents are remodling the house onl after i move out......
new bedroom set for them....new couch...new walls....new floors....
I'm glad they got their shit together. hah.

ummmmm Rita slideshow Thursday? exciting. depressing. I love the rollercoaster emotions.

yeah.


Brown and I broke up.


I love lamp.
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Jul. 28th, 2005 @ 04:44 pm (no subject)
Jimmy Eat World Dates Announced!
AUG 27 - TALLAHASSEE, FL - UNION GREEN (AT FSU) - FREE!
Free Show!
For more information, visit www.union.fsu.edu/up or call (850) 644 6673
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Jul. 28th, 2005 @ 04:20 pm (no subject)
So today I'm at work, and my side work is beverage stations. I see that we're running low on unsweet tea, so I decide to move the sweet tea urn to the back in order to brew some more tea. To my demise, the sweet tea is LITERALLY to the top....and a WATERFALL of sweet sweeet sweeeeeeeeeet tea falls freely all over my barbeque sauce shirt and apron. it was awesome.
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Jul. 25th, 2005 @ 01:05 am (no subject)
Cancer,
The stars are advising you to do some exercises to make you feel better and let go of the tension. In work, you will be able to get a promotion if you are an employee, and if you are an independent professional you will be able to recuperate a loan. In love, you will feel a positive energy and sense that you are about to live one of the best moments, something that had not happened for a long time.







I had fun last night :) it was great to see everyone.
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Jul. 16th, 2005 @ 12:54 am ....
Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: REM
I hope everyone did okay with the hurricane and all. I hear Pensacola is pretty much back into the swing of things. I'm still up here in Tennessee but I'll be leaving in the morning for Mississippi. Mee Mee died.
It's been a weird week.
I don't know how to word it all exactly. All I know is that I miss her and feel awful for not seeing her. and can't stop thinking about my poor Pa-Paw...I don't know what he will do. This is the first grandparent to leave.
and I feel like such a brat because there are people who have lost so much more than that.
I can't even cry yet
I know once I start, I won't stop. and I've already cried so much this week......for such inane reasons. I'm retarded.

I didn't go to Dave.
I didn't evacuate with my parents.
I went to tennesse because I wanted to...even though I knew I wouldn't see who I thought I wanted to.
and now I didn't get to say goodbye to my grandmother.
so as I go on feeling like this, I will say this; that I'm turning life around. that I'm going to do something she would be proud of.
I wasn't always this selfish....
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Jul. 8th, 2005 @ 05:52 pm Dennis the menice
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: beatles

FUCK HURRICANES.
FUCK THEM ALL TO HELL.

Game Plan:
86 atlanta, sub Murfreesborro.\
heading out with Lindsey and Jess around 9 PM tonight and crashing at Lindsey's house whenever we arrive.
Zach leaves for mission trip in the morning and won't be back for like 9 days.
I dont care. I have Emily and Ry:)

where is everyone else going?
why is this happening again?
what the hell kind of BIRTHDAY is this!?

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Jul. 3rd, 2005 @ 07:00 pm blah
Current Music: Oasis
so Zach isn't here--obviously. I kind of assumed he wouldn't make it down this trip but I had high hopes. oh well.
Tomorrow is the 4th...I don't have to work...woot. So to the Hamptons I will party during the afternoon and 19th and strong at night, yes?
I went to take a look at the apartment today with mom. So far, so good. I'm really glad I get to do this and that I'm living with people who are pretty damn cool. I get my own bathroom...I'm thinking about a polka dot shower curtain.....any thoughts?
Dave Matthews in 9 days
my birthday in 6
and Nashville in 39

word.
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Jul. 3rd, 2005 @ 01:25 pm (no subject)

I will be 19 in 6 days.

 

 

 

 

just so you all know. :)

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